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The Cyber Boxing Zone Newswire
October 21, 2000
Bruno on Boxing

News Item: Andrew Golata quits like a yellow dog and paying fight fans get screwed like dogs in heat. Next thing you’ll hear is Abraham Lincoln was shot at Ford’s Theater. Nah, never could happen

I f ever there was a perfect poster for helping ban boxing pay-per-view from the face of the earth, the Mike Tyson-Andrew “The Yellow-Dog” Golata fight poster should definitely do the trick.

It was supposed to be a spirited fight with both bad boys of boxing reaching into their bag of dirty trick. And it was. Tyson butted Golata at least twice in the six minutes of action(?), cutting Golata’s face over the left eye and right between the eyes. But Golata pulled the dirtiest trick of all when he suddenly decided after two rounds that being a fighter wasn’t such a great idea after all. For his cowardice, Golata pocketed a cool two million plus bucks. And who paid this creep? Why you did: all you morons who buy pay-per-view fights in the first place.

After viewing this fight (no I didn’t donate my hard-earned cash to these two creeps), it’s obvious both fighters are basically shot. Tyson physically and Golata mentally. Tyson looks good for the first 20 seconds of every round, when he charges forward, bobbing and waving and throwing roundhouse punches like Tyson did before 1990. Then Tyson slows down his rushes and his punches mostly come one at a time.

We should’ve known something was up when Golata did not emerged from his dressing room after ring announcer Jimmy Lennon announced the “Yellow Foul Pole” to the crowd. Five minutes later, when Golata made his way to the ring, the PA system played “Who Let the Dogs Out.” Woof. Woof. Woof.

They should’ve been playing “Who Let This Yellow Dog Golata In the Ring in the First Place?” The answer is Showtime Boxing, but more on those infidels later. The first two minutes and fifty seconds of round one were fairly even, when suddenly Tyson landed his best roundhouse right smack on Golata’s chin. This was the same type of punch that knocked out the White Buffalo (Chip?) Frans Botha in the fifth round of their fight a few years back. Golata fell back and landed on his tush, his gloved hands softening the blow. He was up immediately and seemed no worse for wear, when the bell rang ending the round.

According to Golata’s trainer Al Certo, Golata wanted to quit right there. But somehow Certo convinced the “Yellow Dog” to come out for round two.

The second round was fairly close with both guys landing a few blows, none too damaging. No one seemed the worse for wear, and in fact, it was Tyson who was sucking wind at the end of round two. To some astute boxing fans, it looked like if Golata would just pick up the pace, he might put himself right back in the fight.

Then the inexplicable, inexcusable and unexplainable happened.

Golota stood up 20 seconds before the third round, spit out his mouthpiece and walked toward the referee.

”What are you doing?'' Certo screamed at Golota. ''What are you doing? What are you doing?'' Referee Frank Garza tried to turn Golota away as the fighter approached, telling him to get back to his corner. Golota pushed Garza away and turned again toward Certo, who immediately tried to stuff Golata’s mouthpiece into Golata’s clenched mouth ''Get back in there,'' Certo screamed. ''Don't do this! You gotta get back in there!''

Golata pushed Certo away, and he climbed through the ropes and out of the ring as the angry and chiseled live crowd booed. As Golata made his way back to the dressing room, he was pelted with soda, beer, popcorn and pretzels.

More money wasted.

Tyson would not come out for the post-fight press conference. Tyson’s advisor, the formerly respectable Shelly Finkel. told Showtime Pay-Per-View viewers, “Mike was unfulfilled. He wanted to knock Golata out.”

Mike Tyson was unfulfilled? Tyson made $10 million on the back of hard-working suckers who shelled out fifty clams to see three and a half hours of nothing (The undercard sucked bigtime too). It was the live crowd, and the pay-per-view crowd who were unfulfilled or under-fulfilled, or not fulfilled at all. (Okay, so I’m making this up as I go along.)

Now comes the real acid test question. How many of you simpletons, who paid cash for this travesty, will pay again if Tyson ever gets back into the ring? There are four possible answers; yes, no and I don’t honestly know right now. The fourth is “I’m so rich I don’t give a rat’s ass, if I, or anyone else get hoodwinked again.”

A plague on pay-per-view. And a plague on you suckers who make pay-per-view possible.

A plague is too good for Showtime execs and employees (Bobby Czyz and Steve Albert, are you listening?) who pander to, prod and plunder, all in the name of screwing John Q. Public for the umpteenth time.

Without even using Vaseline.

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