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January 21, 2003:
Tommy Gallagher Doesn't Sugar Coat It

Tommy Gallagher was the trainer of Donnie Lalonde, who was defending his Lt. Heavy title against Sugar Ray Leonard in Vegas. Gallagher asked me to come along.

So, because Lalonde was the headliner on such a big show, everybody in Lalonde's entourage was given special treatment by the management of the hotel.

One evening, I was in the lobby with Gallagher, his family, and some of our neighborhood friends, and a very official looking guy in a three-piece suit came over: "Good evening, Mr Gallagher. Speaking for the management of the hotel, I'd like to extend a warm welcome to you and all of your friends. Now, If you'll follow me, I'll take you to be seated at the Pointer Sisters show."

Gallagher looks at me, his voice reverberating through the lobby:

"WHO IS THIS HALF-A-FAG?"

* * * * *

To really understand and appreciate this story, you have to know Tommy Gallagher, the fight trainer: He's a larger- than-life, profane, mean as a junk-yard dog, opinionated, impatient, very loud, crude, brutally honest, very loyal, former undercover cop, and laugh riot 24 hours a day. Being with his family is like an episode of the Osbournes.

An author put it best, describing his dad: "My father lived his life at the top of his lungs"...That's Tommy Gallagher.

I went to the Pointer Sister's show at Ceasar's Palace one night with Gallagher because we were being comped by the hotel because Gallagher was trainer of Donnie Lalonde, who was fighting Sugar Ray Leonard.

The room where the Pointer Sisters were performing was sort of a semi-circle of tiered wooden benches; nobody had their own tables. Everybody was bunched together.

We were in a party of about 15, but all around us were families looking like they just stepped out of a Norman Rockwell painting.

Gallagher was in top form, cracking everybody up with one story after another. Somebody asked him: " Tommy did you ever fight out of the country as an amateur?"

As if he was talking over the roar of the gym, Gallagher said, "I was a young, Irish Catholic kid and I never was no place. They asked me to fight for the U.S. team in Spain. So, when I got to Spain, I walked around. And there was like... this little circus."

"There was a sign on one of the cages, and somebody told me it said: Anybody that could last a round with the bear would get $50...I never seen that much money...or a bear."

"So, I looked in the cage, and there's this big mop of fur on the floor. I figure: no problem; I'll knock this thing out."

"So, when I turned around to tell the guy I wanted to do it, the bear REACHED THROUGH THE BARS AND TRIED TO FUCK ME!..IT'S A GOOD THING I WAS WEAR'N SHORTS!"

I fell on the floor, I was laughing so hard--tears were coming out of my eyes.

And all around us, families were fleeing in horror.

* * * * *

Tommy Gallagher, a trainer-- and the closest thing you'll ever meet to Popeye Doyle from the FRENCH CONNECTION, was training Yuri Vaulin, a tall, light-hitting Russian cruiserweight.

And the Russian was matched with Tommy Morrison, who was on track for a heavyweight title fight, in a main event on national TV...and supposed to be no more than tune-up for Morrison.

Well, from round 1 through 4, the Russian was surprising everyone, out jabbing and outboxing Morrison.

The crowd and Gallagher could sense an upset was in the wind, and the big money for Vaulin was in grasp.

Suddenly, in the 5th round, Morrison caught the Russian with a left hook to the body and he crumpled to the floor and could not beat the 10 count.

The TV announcer jumped into the ring and shoved a Mic in Gallagher's face, while he ministered to the Russian.

"Tommy, Tommy, your kid was so close to being a contender. What happened?"

"The cocksucker quit!" Gallagher replied.

- John Garfield